I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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