I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
