I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
