Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
