I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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