Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
