How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
