I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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