What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
