I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
