mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
