Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
