My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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