I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
