I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
