I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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