Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
