Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
