So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
