make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
