how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
