guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
