nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
