Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
