btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
