I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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