we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
