Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
