I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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