I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
