Heybabeimwearingurpanties
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
