There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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