is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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