I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
