Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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