Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Can I color on your dick again?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
