ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
