No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
