how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What a dumb baby whore.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
