Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
