community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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