let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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