i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
