he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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