I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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