someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
