OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
