Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
