i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
