Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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