You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
