If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Houston, we have a squirter
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Your penis caused this!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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