if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Plan B is the new Plan A
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
