If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
